Perhaps I’m feeling a bit odd today. It’s a question that get is asked often. ‘What drives you?’ Initially that was a career in journalism.
Journalism, that noble profession where you give voice to voiceless, turn attention to things that need attention drawn to them, was what I embarked on while in college, an attempt at a change from my comfort zone, and the safer option of medical school. Looking back, I can’t say that was the best decision.
Just a little under four years, and there is no career, and not even a whiff of one. What that decision to become a journalist a wise decision?
I’m no longer so sure. Maybe it’s been the past few years of feeling like nothing is being accomplished. Setting goals, only to have to change, cancel, or push them back, because something you thought would change, would actually change. Journalism is still a passion of mine, although with each passing day, I lose a little bit of that passion.
My other passions have hit a wall as well. When do you quit? When do you say ‘I’ve had enough, this isn’t working.’ Am I near that point? I don’t know. This year started off with yet another tantalizing lure of positive change, one that, early days still, I’ll admit, still hasn’t happened, and it still looks like the same repetition from years past. It’s tiring, and mentally draining. No stability breeds discontent and meager means limits your options. While it’s still early in the game, going back to school to tack on another degree seems tempting, but potentially a very unwise financial decision with mounting debt from undergraduate study and no readily available resources to make ends meet before embarking on more expensive study.
I guess it goes back to what I want to be, and what I need. Neither of which is being fulfilled, leaving me tired, irritable, and starving for change. I’ll admit that this a common problem, but looking at a 32nd birthday around the corner, I’m not where I want to be, and I need to troubleshoot why not, and move the chains toward the goal line.
Again, a different route is a clean slate, carefully planning a way to positive change, to move forward, fulfilled, tired from making progress that is tangible instead of standing still or moving backward, as is seemingly the case since graduation.
I feel that the comfort zone needs to be shaken up, or outright removed. Going out on limb, to turn a dated phrase.
The plans are set; now to force them to happen.